We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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