HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
