I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
