I love black thongs
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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