dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
