I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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