Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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