didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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