he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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