i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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