She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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