My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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