i may or may not be watching the land before time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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