You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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