Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
