two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
