You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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