Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
