garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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