her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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