pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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