At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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