My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
