I need help removing her.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
