'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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