So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
