how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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