at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
