I looked at my own cervix.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
