fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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