when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
