He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
