i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
