Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
