apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
