U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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