I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
