Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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