fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
