Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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