just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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