I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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