I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
