I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
