I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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