Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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