If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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