Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
