Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
