he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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