***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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