I'd wear matching sweaters with you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
