Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Welp...herpes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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