Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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