Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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