The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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