so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
