Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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