I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
