I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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