is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
